Silent but deadly
by Orochi'sLeftNipple
Summary: A babe one shot. It's not what you expect! A very funny situation written by my super proof reader and myself one night. Read and Review.


A babe one shot, and it not what you expect (or maybe it is)! A very funny situation written by my super proof editor and myself one night. Being the review slut i am they are always welcome :D REWORKED.

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Silent but deadly

"I'll get the popcorn babe," said Ranger heading towards the kitchen.

"Don't forget to put the butter on this time!" I shouted after him. Last time ranger made popcorn for our movie night it was blander the mash potatoes I made once - from scratch.

"You know that'll kill you."

"Maybe, but these days there's a lot out there in that big old world that could kill me, what's a little bit of butter on top of all that going to do?" Ranger re-entered the room carrying the bowl and the smell of freshly popped corn filled my nostrils sending me in a state second only to an orgasm. Yum!

Ranger shook his head. "Babe."

"Well it's true, I think." Ranger placed the bowl on the coffee table and took the seat next to me on the couch. I leaned over and looked in the bowl. I don't believe it; one half of the popcorn had butter on it whilst the other half didn't.

"That was clever," I said. "But you need to live a little." I took the bowl in my hands and swirled it around, mixing his bland butter less popcorn with my buttery popcorn, placing it back down between us. He just looked at me. It was hard to tell from the little emotion being shown but I'm sure it was somewhere between disgusted and amused.

"Well… it's more interesting now." I said. Ranger just took a handful of popcorn, picked out all of the buttery bits and flicked them at me. Who would have thought Ranger had a playful side?

"Hey! That's not nice." The corners of Ranger's mouth twitched into a small smile.

"Neither was mixing my healthy popcorn with your junk."

"I figured I was doing you a favour, you need to live more."

"Babe you already talked me into this movie night what more do you want?" Ranger said moving the bowl back onto the coffee table.

"For you to have a social personalty! I know very little about you. I think you're all serious and then you go and flick popcorn at me!" I said staring at him. Ranger just let out a Ranger sigh. "Who are you?"

"Ranger."

"Smart ass." I said playfully shoving him in the arm.

"You asked babe." Ranger just smiled.

"That wasn't the answer I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?"

Now that was the million-dollar question 'what did I expect from Ranger?' Truth be told, I really didn't know, I was surprised to find he even agreed to this tonight after the drama of the last time and first time he agreed to watch a movie with me ... and Lula and Connie.

"What are we watching?" I asked, deciding it would be better to get off the topic of 'what I expected'.

During some stage in our friendship Ranger stopped verbally as pointing out my constant topic changing way and decided to go with the simple look that I was now receiving.

"And? Now pick a movie." I said leaning against him, my head on his chest, cursing his ESP powers.

"I'll watch anything, you pick," Ranger said resting his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you want to watch Ghost Busters?"

"No I do not want to watch Ghost Busters."

"Hah! You see! You said you'd watch anything, pick then mysterio." I sat up and gave Ranger the pile of DVD's.

"What about Spiderman?" Ranger said pulling the burnt DVD out from the stack.

"You want to watch Spiderman?!"

Ranger shrugged, "Why not?"

"Why not indeed." I said sighing as I stood up. I placed spidey into the DVD player and Spiderman popped up onto the TV screen. I sank back onto the couch next to Ranger.

"This is nice." I said as Ranger draped an arm around my shoulder and I reached for the popcorn, taking a few and eating them.

"Eww!"

"What's wrong babe?"

"I ate a few of your flavourless popcorn pieces."

"You plan backfired then." I thought about that for a moment

"Just watch the movie batman."

"At least batman's better than Spiderman babe." I thought about this also.

"Spiderman has that romantic kiss upside down in the rain, what has batman done?" Ranger just smiled at me and winked. The winking worries me. I knew where the winking could lead.

"Batman can do that plus more babe."

"You chose this movie, I just agreed. Besides batman's abbs are fake, it's all plastic moulding." Ha, take that batman!

"You think my abbs are fake?!"

"No not you batman, batman batman."

Ranger just looked at me, "You lost me babe."

"The real batman has fake abbs, yours are real." To my knowledge. Thank god.

The thought of Ranger's abbs took me away from reality for a moment until Rangers lips brushed at the corner of my mouth.

"You still with me babe?" Ranger whispered, lips brushing against my cheek.

"No, I distanced myself of into a wonderful land with fairies and woodland creatures"

He laughed and it rumbled through his chest, which I was currently using as a pillow.

"Ohmigod!"

"What babe?" asked Ranger looking down at me. I couldn't help it; I was possessed by a sudden thought that wouldn't go away. I lean up and kiss him deeply, Ranger responded by sliding his hand up my top. I break the lip contact and jump back.

"Shit."

"Babe, you do that every time." Damn him, he's right. Come on Stephanie, I mentally say, we're both adults here.

"Umm…. You startled me… and your hands are cold!"

"Babe I took it as consent when you kissed me, you made the first move that time; I thought I made it clear I'd make my move with the tiniest amount of consent. By the way babe, that has nothing to do with my cold hands." Ranger eyes were focused on my chest.

"I couldn't help my self."

"You have no control." Tell me about it.

"Not around you I don't." Ranger smiled. That's right Stephanie; feed his ego, that's just what he needs.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have told me that babe." Ranger ran his fingers through my hair while I tried my hardest to focus on Spiderman's skin tight-I'm-not-wearing-anything-under-this suit and not on Ranger.

We watched the movie in silence for the next ten minutes. Suddenly I felt Ranger silently moving with laughter yet again.

And a horrid smell enters the air. Eww! GROSS!!!!

I shoot him my best pissed off disgusted look. "You didn't, did you?"

Ranger just smiled that fantastic 200 watt smile "Babe!"

"You didn't!!?" I said glaring at him in disbelief.

"Didn't what?" looking like a sly kid that got busted with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You did!"

"Silent but deadly." Ranger replied now in full smile mode.

"Ewwww! That's gross, that's sick!" I screamed flinging myself off the couch into the open room waving my hands around in need of fresh air as Ranger roared with laughter knocking the popcorn onto the floor.

"No, not you Ranger. I would expect this from Morelli but not… not from you! Friends don't do this! Mary Lou doesn't fart on me! Connie does not fart on me! Lula does not far- ok bad example. It's so, so eww."

"Babe you are such a girl."

"Well at least I'm not some gross, farting male like you! I can't believe you of all people would do that, right in the middle of Spiderman." I said hands on hips still glaring. At least I've stopped gagging.

"Batman has needs too. After all I'm only human babe." Ranger said.

"Oh, so now I find out your human, you could have told me in a better way!" Ranger just stared.

"If I tried some other way, you would have thought I have super powers for sure babe." That was true. "Can we just get on with the movie?"

"Yeah I suppose so." I sat back down on the couch next to him and resumed leaning on him. Then I stopped.

"You won't do it again, will you?"

"Do you want me to?" Ranger asked giving me a slight smile and playfully pulling at my hair.

"God no!"

He chuckled and drew me back into him. "I won't do it again babe, but you told me I needed to live more."

We settled back to watching to movie, sharing only a few words while we watched Spiderman do his thing and drank soft drink and beer.

Then out on nowhere, I let myself burp… not just a small burp, a full on wall shaking burp. If there is a god then please let it be that Ranger didn't hear that.

Ranger choked on his beer. "Babe what the hell was that?!" he said while trying to wipe the beer off his chin that he spilt.

"What? Honestly you can be such a girl sometimes."

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xx


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